is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
