Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
