the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
