a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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