This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
