he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize