he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
