Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
