i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
