so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
