Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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