Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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