Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
