I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
