Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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