There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
