So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
