i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
