Kiss
Puke
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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