Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
