I'm going to jail i love you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
