I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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