Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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