So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
