I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
