When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
