Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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