I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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