ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
