You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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