is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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