I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I intend to get homeless drunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You can't just leave with hair like that
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
