Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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