Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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