he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
