i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
