Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
