FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
