I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
