If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
