I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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