You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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