Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
