good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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