I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
