so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dude. I can hear the air.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
