therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
two words...techno handjob
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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