I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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