Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I want is dick and wine.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
