you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
