i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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