I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
