Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
