I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
