Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize