Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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