don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
