i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
