Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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