capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
