I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
