Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
