Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
