the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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