Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
