I think I won the penis lottery.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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