I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
