piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
