She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
