loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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