This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
