I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
