And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize