she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
