i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
