But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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