She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
