also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
