I wish my penis had an off switch
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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