he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
