Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
