I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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