things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
