Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
PS: I just woke up from my shower
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
