I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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