Non-Jews are for practice
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
