I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
