hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
