fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
