cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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