So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
