Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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