All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the condom got lost in my hair
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
