so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
