We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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