there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
