Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
