My friends, they love my intelligence
she woke up with a sticky ear
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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