strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
not ubering you a puppy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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