So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
