he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
