why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
