what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do cheetos always look like penises
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
