I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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