You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How many fucks given?
0.12846
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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