we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize